Biting the Hand That Feeds You

When I was approximately four years old, my aunt was feeding me chicken nuggets, and when I realized that her finger was slightly in my mouth, I bit her. She screeched and launched into a barrage of “why would you do that” and “that really hurts.” Of course, she had every right to be upset. I was left wondering, and still wonder 21 years later, why I did it.

It brings me to another scene that sticks with me, not from my own life. In the movie “Love and Other Disasters” Brittney Murphy is speaking to a new acquaintance and photographer’s assistance, Paolo, about his boss’s talent. When Paolo comes off less than impressed, Murphy’s character says “I think one shouldn't bite the hand that feeds him.” I don’t quite know how to gauge her character from this scene, as the rest of the movie finds her holding a loving disdain of her profession, and a gutsy way of circumventing her own boss.

It leaves me wondering, is it ever okay to bite the hand that feeds you?

I think of organizations I admire like the National Committee for Responsive Philanthropy, which serves as a watchdog on the philanthropic community, but is also enthusiastically funded by nearly 100 major foundations. This seems like a good example of biting that reaps big rewards.

I ponder, as well, our comedy female role models like Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, whose on-screen

personas constantly polish the floor with authority, demonstrating contentious yet often amiable  relationships with their superiors. These TV work environments hardly scratch the surface of the balancing act that is professional relationships, too often opting for familial and safe as opposed to impersonal and detached. Though I wouldn’t try this at home, I do find that these shows demonstrate, especially to women, that standing up for your opinions at work can be rewarding and often worth the risk.

In our personal lives, when is it better to hold our ground or succeed? One end of the spectrum leaves us stagnant, the other, alone, with only an angry aunt to show for it. I am still experimenting in this area, but I believe it is a question we should consistently ask ourselves.